My Saturday night was great. I got to spend it with all my sibling for dinner cum birthday for my niece cum wedding anniversary of my eldest sister. I was the last to arrive, I was the single one since everybody was with their full fledglings or spouse incase of my youngest sister. Yup, she got hooked earlier than his brother.
I don't mind being the single one since I can always be their favourite uncle. Hm....saying uncle does make me looked old, LOL. Who the hell am i kidding..I'm way past the calander and yet here I am the single one. (in terms of normally marriage people). What to do, there's always bound to be the different one in the whole bunch of fruits. Human non exceptance.
Back to the family thingy, I was not expecting my brother to be present as well and i was sceptical at first and was thinking on my way there...is this the right thing to do, is this wise and all the bulls**t. But once there at my sister's house and saw that everybody was there....I feel glad that I make this choice. Was afraid that my brother will scold me for being missing this past 6 years, but he was not. Apparently he has grown a bit wider and instead of the usual handshake, we exchange hugs. Which was a new thing for me with all the huggings in the family. Hell..I never hug my brother since I got to know I have a brother. Call me wierd but how many things can a 4 year old boy know back then when there was no Gameboy, PSP or mobile phone.
It's a funny feeling being in the presence of family, mother and father not including. It was a great joy, a sense of being belong. I don't know if thing will be the same as today if I never left home back then. Will I get the same welcoming warmth as I have received yesterday. Too many ifs and to many whats does not make the world stop spinning. What matter is that I took a chance and make my own path and looking back, I wish I could change some of it but by changing that past, that little thing in my life...will I still be here at this time doing the things that I'm doing right now and having these feeling?
Being here today...I wouldn't change any of it because I know that I have done my best and i never give up hope for a better future for me, for my loved one, my friends and you people out there. You know who you are.
Enjoy the weekend while it last..see ya fellas.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Remembering Ramli (1974 - 20 Feb 2008)
A friend passed away yesterday.
He was my polytechnic buddy, a housemate when we were in the 4th quarter of 1st semester and continues till the 2nd. I remember that me and my other friend was the only one in that house that is not from Kelantan. There were 7 of us in the house and out of that, 5 are Kelantanese, me from Penang and my friend from Johor. But we get along fine, matter of fact it was a fun and great place to be staying. One little problem though, we were supposed to be studying but instead we were having fun. Most Kelantanese students know us very well.
No.73, Persiaran Sari 5....if i remember correctly. That was the address. No that close when going to classes but it was convenient enough to go to Pasar Malam and the shops and "benteng" aka food court. Back than it was just an open field with few stalls at the parking lot. The food was cheap and eatable. Hang out, lepak - lepak on weekend @ even weekdays especially during exam week.
The neighbour was great, got this little indian boy who use to come and play infront of the house, the teacher's trainee..most of them girl were generous enough to cook and offer us their cooking sometimes. I remember we (by we i mean my housemates) usually sits outside infront of the crossroads and watched people.
By the 3rd semester we got separated, he was forced to repeat a semester along with the rest of my 30 friends which they have to make a separate class on their own. And through that year, people start growing apart due to different schedules, other commitment and basically that's just life. The only thing that keeps it together was the memories.
Manage to meet Ramli several time in Pasir Gudang whilest I was there for several occasion since he is station at the shipyard. But lucky enough I manage to visit him when he was in the ICU last week..funny how I thought at that time he will be discharged and go back to work in a couple of days. God has his plan. Wrong predicament huh? When I saw him, he looked weak, I make some jokes since I don't like the silence. He laughs.
He was not that close to me, but its weird to hear the news when he passed away...something stirs inside. Its like one of the things you take for granted. I guess this is what we have to face in becoming the person who remembers those who have crossed out path and leave an imprint in our thoughts and heart.
All that I can give is Al-Fatihah and hope that he will have a peaceful afterlife. Amin.
He was my polytechnic buddy, a housemate when we were in the 4th quarter of 1st semester and continues till the 2nd. I remember that me and my other friend was the only one in that house that is not from Kelantan. There were 7 of us in the house and out of that, 5 are Kelantanese, me from Penang and my friend from Johor. But we get along fine, matter of fact it was a fun and great place to be staying. One little problem though, we were supposed to be studying but instead we were having fun. Most Kelantanese students know us very well.
No.73, Persiaran Sari 5....if i remember correctly. That was the address. No that close when going to classes but it was convenient enough to go to Pasar Malam and the shops and "benteng" aka food court. Back than it was just an open field with few stalls at the parking lot. The food was cheap and eatable. Hang out, lepak - lepak on weekend @ even weekdays especially during exam week.
The neighbour was great, got this little indian boy who use to come and play infront of the house, the teacher's trainee..most of them girl were generous enough to cook and offer us their cooking sometimes. I remember we (by we i mean my housemates) usually sits outside infront of the crossroads and watched people.
By the 3rd semester we got separated, he was forced to repeat a semester along with the rest of my 30 friends which they have to make a separate class on their own. And through that year, people start growing apart due to different schedules, other commitment and basically that's just life. The only thing that keeps it together was the memories.
Manage to meet Ramli several time in Pasir Gudang whilest I was there for several occasion since he is station at the shipyard. But lucky enough I manage to visit him when he was in the ICU last week..funny how I thought at that time he will be discharged and go back to work in a couple of days. God has his plan. Wrong predicament huh? When I saw him, he looked weak, I make some jokes since I don't like the silence. He laughs.
He was not that close to me, but its weird to hear the news when he passed away...something stirs inside. Its like one of the things you take for granted. I guess this is what we have to face in becoming the person who remembers those who have crossed out path and leave an imprint in our thoughts and heart.
All that I can give is Al-Fatihah and hope that he will have a peaceful afterlife. Amin.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Heart Attack
(Note to self : Remember that yesterday was a good day but end up pretty much with myself not wanting to put my trust and happiness in other's people hands)
Don't worry when you read the tittle of my blog for today nor take it to the heart (pun not intended), I'm still in good health....physically. Mental wise is a different subject. Totally different and I ain't gonna say anything about it.
My yesterday horoscope reads something like this " Don't let any setback push you to the wall and bring you down". I don't believe in those readings. I read them for fun, just for the sake of reading and making fun out of it. I usually read em' at the end of the day to see if it can amuse me after some crazy s**t happens. The darnest thing was, I read my scope during breakfast. Not to say that I broke my ritual, but it sorta give me a warning and I tend to be a little bit carefull when I see warning.
Besides having a lousy office arranged Chinese New Year lunch which lasted but not ending in two and a half hours, I thought that was pretty much it. Little did I know my evening encounter prove to be the ultimate "back against the wall" experience. Lucky there was a wall, otherwise I'd be pretty much looking stupid sprawling on the floor. I drive so fast, I didn't have a care nor do I feel any consideration of my own safety (pretty much make me think less of other road user) and I knew that I'd be in an even more hostile and dangerous situation if I didn't cahnge the state of my emotions (yes, I got plenty of emotions, just not too fond of showing them)
All this while, it made me think of how my life has been in this whole rollercoaster ride ever since I turned 28. Never had any problem before that. So does that mean I have been making the wrong choices or life just want to have fun messing with my head. At a certain point, I almost believe that but looking through it all, I know that this is what I need to handle life on my own and not put the blame on things just to get me off the hook as being a responsible person.
And I do skip some few entries as this is just a blog, not diary. Otherwise I'll be starting this column with "Dear Dairy..........".
P/s: Still reeling from yesterday impact, barely gets my bearing and I just need some time to absorb what has been said and done. For the people i hurt along the way....forgive my denial and ignorant self.
Don't worry when you read the tittle of my blog for today nor take it to the heart (pun not intended), I'm still in good health....physically. Mental wise is a different subject. Totally different and I ain't gonna say anything about it.
My yesterday horoscope reads something like this " Don't let any setback push you to the wall and bring you down". I don't believe in those readings. I read them for fun, just for the sake of reading and making fun out of it. I usually read em' at the end of the day to see if it can amuse me after some crazy s**t happens. The darnest thing was, I read my scope during breakfast. Not to say that I broke my ritual, but it sorta give me a warning and I tend to be a little bit carefull when I see warning.
Besides having a lousy office arranged Chinese New Year lunch which lasted but not ending in two and a half hours, I thought that was pretty much it. Little did I know my evening encounter prove to be the ultimate "back against the wall" experience. Lucky there was a wall, otherwise I'd be pretty much looking stupid sprawling on the floor. I drive so fast, I didn't have a care nor do I feel any consideration of my own safety (pretty much make me think less of other road user) and I knew that I'd be in an even more hostile and dangerous situation if I didn't cahnge the state of my emotions (yes, I got plenty of emotions, just not too fond of showing them)
All this while, it made me think of how my life has been in this whole rollercoaster ride ever since I turned 28. Never had any problem before that. So does that mean I have been making the wrong choices or life just want to have fun messing with my head. At a certain point, I almost believe that but looking through it all, I know that this is what I need to handle life on my own and not put the blame on things just to get me off the hook as being a responsible person.
And I do skip some few entries as this is just a blog, not diary. Otherwise I'll be starting this column with "Dear Dairy..........".
P/s: Still reeling from yesterday impact, barely gets my bearing and I just need some time to absorb what has been said and done. For the people i hurt along the way....forgive my denial and ignorant self.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
I am Haven, I am Blood, I am Sin
Maybe we’re trying too hard,
Maybe we’re torn apart
Maybe the timing is beating our hearts
We’re empty
The Click Five – Empty
I grow weary of this life. I have drained every ounce of my will to start making sense of what I wanted to be this morning, today and tomorrow. It’s not a good sign, at least for me that it will be a good day. Who am I kidding, I felt like this on my 125th birthday, when I realized that I had another 125 years to look forward too and I don’t even know if the world will look the same and if I can see myself fit into that era.
All I can do the first time I woke up was trying to figure out the strange noise I heard, even before I open my eyes. Then I realized that I left the TV on, again for the million time. Ah, I’m not home. I don’t have TV in bedroom. As my hands moves on the sheet, searching for the remote, I open my eye. Yes, I have become like one of the lazy bums who refuse to get up early on Sunday morning and trying to make sense what was playing on at such early hours. Then I just flick to the music channel because I like to hear a good wake up song to peel me of from the bed and into the shower.
And again I noticed that I slept just by covering my body with the quilt instead of actually being inside the cover. The house keeping will have a breeze making up my room afterwards. Did I forget to mention that I’m out station again, under the guise of my current persona…being a surveyor. I know it doesn’t make any sense right now, but believe me, this is one of those thing I do to keep my sanity intact. I will divulge that information soon….I promise. Right now I need to jump in the shower and get ready for work…if I can drag my body out of bed.
P/s: I work on Sunday because I have to, not because I wanted to. Plus I have just missed another great concert last night with a friend. Such life…….sigh.
Maybe we’re torn apart
Maybe the timing is beating our hearts
We’re empty
The Click Five – Empty
I grow weary of this life. I have drained every ounce of my will to start making sense of what I wanted to be this morning, today and tomorrow. It’s not a good sign, at least for me that it will be a good day. Who am I kidding, I felt like this on my 125th birthday, when I realized that I had another 125 years to look forward too and I don’t even know if the world will look the same and if I can see myself fit into that era.
All I can do the first time I woke up was trying to figure out the strange noise I heard, even before I open my eyes. Then I realized that I left the TV on, again for the million time. Ah, I’m not home. I don’t have TV in bedroom. As my hands moves on the sheet, searching for the remote, I open my eye. Yes, I have become like one of the lazy bums who refuse to get up early on Sunday morning and trying to make sense what was playing on at such early hours. Then I just flick to the music channel because I like to hear a good wake up song to peel me of from the bed and into the shower.
And again I noticed that I slept just by covering my body with the quilt instead of actually being inside the cover. The house keeping will have a breeze making up my room afterwards. Did I forget to mention that I’m out station again, under the guise of my current persona…being a surveyor. I know it doesn’t make any sense right now, but believe me, this is one of those thing I do to keep my sanity intact. I will divulge that information soon….I promise. Right now I need to jump in the shower and get ready for work…if I can drag my body out of bed.
P/s: I work on Sunday because I have to, not because I wanted to. Plus I have just missed another great concert last night with a friend. Such life…….sigh.
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