Heart Attack

(Note to self : Remember that yesterday was a good day but end up pretty much with myself not wanting to put my trust and happiness in other's people hands)

Don't worry when you read the tittle of my blog for today nor take it to the heart (pun not intended), I'm still in good health....physically. Mental wise is a different subject. Totally different and I ain't gonna say anything about it.

My yesterday horoscope reads something like this " Don't let any setback push you to the wall and bring you down". I don't believe in those readings. I read them for fun, just for the sake of reading and making fun out of it. I usually read em' at the end of the day to see if it can amuse me after some crazy s**t happens. The darnest thing was, I read my scope during breakfast. Not to say that I broke my ritual, but it sorta give me a warning and I tend to be a little bit carefull when I see warning.

Besides having a lousy office arranged Chinese New Year lunch which lasted but not ending in two and a half hours, I thought that was pretty much it. Little did I know my evening encounter prove to be the ultimate "back against the wall" experience. Lucky there was a wall, otherwise I'd be pretty much looking stupid sprawling on the floor. I drive so fast, I didn't have a care nor do I feel any consideration of my own safety (pretty much make me think less of other road user) and I knew that I'd be in an even more hostile and dangerous situation if I didn't cahnge the state of my emotions (yes, I got plenty of emotions, just not too fond of showing them)

All this while, it made me think of how my life has been in this whole rollercoaster ride ever since I turned 28. Never had any problem before that. So does that mean I have been making the wrong choices or life just want to have fun messing with my head. At a certain point, I almost believe that but looking through it all, I know that this is what I need to handle life on my own and not put the blame on things just to get me off the hook as being a responsible person.

And I do skip some few entries as this is just a blog, not diary. Otherwise I'll be starting this column with "Dear Dairy..........".

P/s: Still reeling from yesterday impact, barely gets my bearing and I just need some time to absorb what has been said and done. For the people i hurt along the way....forgive my denial and ignorant self.