Noise-less ( I am Sin, I am Blood, I am Haven)

What happened when all your anguish falls on deaf ears? Where is the ideal way to scream and shout when it is drown by the silence of white noise? I think, I contemplate, I don't know where I'm drifting between here and there, between reality and half awaken days and the cold nights.

I don't feel the bitterness, I don't feel the urge to break down, I need to find my release. I dropped on all fours and still the echo of my noiseless scream haunts me. The ghost of my history is catching up on me..where do I go? What do I do?

Being an eternal sucks right now...damn the deal, damn the offer, damn the one who seeks my misery and put me thru the things I wanted to forget on a thousand life cycle.

I have forgotten what it feel like to be in a company of a soul mate. Soul mate? I live, no...I thrive to survive because my existance demands the souls of those I seek, and being a merchant of endless dreams...these souls keeps me alive and being wanted. Ah...I fall on my own dilemma again..curse my luck. Curse the choices I made. But my curse has drawn you towards me. Soon...soon enough, I will come for you.

We fall, We get up but do we learn to take it easy?

Human is the only species on earth who know the danger is there but is willingly enough to face and endure it. The rest of the species know that it's good to avoid it, period.

So that is what makes it fun, I assume. We know that somehow if along the way, given the most senior people, there will be a time that we kinda ignore the signs and just plunge head long.

Now if we were smart enough,we wouldn't be dealing with the bloody aftermath and all the anguish we rake along the way. We simply divert and takes a different kind of approach. But since I'm here writting about this, so yeah...I myself does fall victim to my own predicament..sucks really but I take it as a rerun on lesson learnt. Can't have enough of the good things.

I actually need to sleep now...can't think of any coherent thoughts worth sharing right now unless you would like to reach garbage or thrash or just pure nonsense. Till then..cheers and Merry X-Mas people. Have a good one for me.

Heavy Rotations

Penat giler sekarang nih. Segala urat urat dan tulang temulang semua sudah mau luruh. Dah 2 minggu weekend burn pasal berjalan sana sini carik rezeki. Nak jugak sound boss tapi bila pikir pikir dapat duit punya pasal hehehehe...kansel. Mana dengan nak Krismas lagi (bukan saya...org rumah, jadi kena la sedia budjet nak jek mak dan bapak mertua ehehehe...aduih! Apa main cubit-cubit orang nih...)

Dalam sibuk tak sibuk nih, sempat jugak capai dua bijik buku citer (satu melayu satu mat saleh yg ditulih oleh orang Malaysia).Yang mat saleh punya buku nama Devil's Place oleh Brian Gomez. Verdict...kelakar giler, sakit perut baca buku ni masa atas flight...orang tengok semacam jo...sewel apa budak ni baca novel boleh gelak-gelak. Kepada sesapa yang suka membaca, buku kelakar lah...walaupun kisah ni berkisar pasal pembunuhan tapi memang ada adengan yang betul-betul menarik. Kreatif betul penulis nih. Worth every sen from the price of RM34.90

Masuk hari ni dah 2 hari kat Kuching at "inlaws" house. Baik baik aja sekarang, tadi jadi drebar pi pasar carik barang barang nak masak untuk besok. Ye lah..besok kan Krismas...tak tau nak buat apa, takkan nak jadi pak pacak jo...so teman jadi drebar je lah. Sempat belajar ikut lorong lorong gelap kat sini. Kacang aja bah. 26 hb pi Sibu, pun dengan orang umah juak pasal ada keja skit. Dia ikut pasal nak tengok tempat lama dia dulu masa kat Sibu...ikut jer. So ni kira cuti cuti Malaysia yang tak betul2 cuti la pulak dek kerna semua kakitangan dah tak menang tangan nak jaga keja. Dengan report yang bertangguh sama report yang akan datang...pancit dan malas sungguh. Pasal tu la hari ni teman tulih blog saja...malas dah tak bertahap lagipun tengah hari macam ni mengantuk la pulak.

Jadi, kiranya saya sambut tahun baru kat Kuching aja lah...balik KL tahun depan (2 tahun cuti, mana nak dapat kekekeke). Nak tido jap nih, dah berapa malam tido tak cukup. Petang petang skit nanti samabung buat laporan semula.

Selamat Ber-Krismas pada yang sambut Krismas...

A Quickie

This will be brief:

- Still bz eventhough its almost then end of the year, pack light would travel.

- Just finish plan dialog with my boss yesterday which lasted for 2.45hrs...the longest discussion of my work and future with the company by far

- Buy something on impulse again but worth it since the sales person was nice and informative, very chatty plus I got loads of stuff that are consider worth the buy and got additional discount somemore ( now who can resist that!). My bed is dying and I need to replace it soooo the offer comes at a right time. Plus plus I was feeling good and happy after the plan dialog. So people should know that If I'm happy, they can sell me almost anything...as long as they put it nicely...in words. LOL

- Do not use the above to get things for your personel gain...LOL. My Boo will kick my ass afterwards.

- My card was damaged and I have to rely on lotsa cash till I get a replacement. (Crap)

- ON travel again today...as usual but will be very brief and quick ( need to go out more to replenish the money that I spend last nite hehehehe) Not complaining neway.

- Have not watch any movie since...oh crap...I forgot what was the last movie.....Oh yeah..Twilight.

- Will be leaving to Kuching on 23rd and spend weekends with My Boo and his family. (which gonna be weird since I have no idea how things will turn up)

- Ok then...will update later later..the flight announcement has called.

Later Dudes.

Burnout

The title does not refer to one of Gen 13 members (for those people out there who did not know what Gen 13 is all about...go Google it.), it's just refering to my state of being...I'm burning out for the second time this year. Hell, I don't even have a proper hour to compose my plans, all I know that my secretery was doing all the planning and handing me the result.

So it won't be long till 23rd arrives and I could easily slip into a state of no brainer situation and be like that all the way through new year. (All wishesh and fingers crossed in every possible configuration).

Now I need to get back on my work before the weekend and yes, I'm no going back home for Eid Adha ( or Raya Qurban as they say over here) as I will be somewhere in KL...hopefully. In between then and now...i'll be off in Kuching and Brunei for work (I hate working on weekends but the pays good heheheheso yeah, I learn to swallow the bitter part of resting hours for the sake of being a material garner).

If I do have some time to kill, I could make a list of what 2008 meant for me and what I wanted to achive in 2009...if I can survive through this....lucky luck and see ya!

Saigon a.k.a Ho Chi Minh City

Saigon aka Ho Chi Minh City is an all new place for me. I've heard so much about it and I was trying to make a mental picture of how it would look like ( well...some people would tell me to just browse the pictures in the internet but me being the hard head-ed and a little reluctancy I decline that idea) instead and try to figure it out by myself.

One thing that I heard most and the common one is that traffic there is waaaay crazier than KL. I was reading an article about this Mat Saleh (an English/caucasion people) saying that he has difficulty comprehanding the law on which to abide to when you are in Saigon and how to cross the road without actually ending up as a road kill or a statistic on the wall. Fascinating. And then when I was in Singapore the lecturer was telling us about how we set the safety standard in our head as per the surrounding so I guess when you are in Saigon, the limit tends to be on the low side since it will take a great skills and lithe to catch an opening and wiggle yourself thru the flow of motorcycles. Its a rush I tell ya! The thrill of wanting to get thru and avoiding yourself from getting hit by the bike is as real as you can get. Check out the photo below of what I meant.

By the way..there are no pictures of me whatsoever since there are nobody to take them for me...damnit. The troublesome of travelling alone without your partner bites you on the ass when it comes to this situation. Sheeshhh....

Be showing more pics of Saigon in the next feature....waitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

Dari Singapore ke Vietnam dan mungkin ke Singapore Semula

Waduh pak, bisa gamat dunia saya. Aik? Apahal tetiba masuk bahasa Indon nih? Salah ruang ka? Jangan betulkan komputer anda. Prelude tamat

For those people who do not understand what's it all about earlier on, lets just say that I kinda ramble on a bit before I proceed to get to the point. I'm practically on my high peak now. After finishing the meeting in Shangri - La KL, the same evening I was flown to Singapore for an audit course which runs for 5 consecutive days (bummer really coz the hotel is somewhat far from the usual amenities [ 7 Eleven does not count, ok]). Was looking for something of a more shopping mall kinda thing or anything with similar arrangement (pasar malam will do too but yeah, go figure if you can find a decent one in Singapore)

Hotel room itself is a pleasent experience, well having a see thru jacuzzi smack in the middle of the room was pleasent (long time ago) but I settle for a simple yet practical arrangement. The wash basin in way of the entrance was consider practical coz u can brush u teeth and straight away jump into bed. Plus you don't want to linger for far too long in the cold confinement of the shower area..burrrrrrr. Plus I got free internet (unlike an executive room in a hotel that I stayed recently which does not come with complimentry internet...bummer) this is once again, a relief.

It was a brain recking intercourse (yes, you read it right because it was held within our organisation, hence intercourse la, correct?) It's one of them course where you have to think more than you should, in other terms, make you a bit more paranoid and guessing bad things (can be good too depending on how they treat you onboard). But anyway, it has an examination afterwards, 4 hours which makes time flies when you are having fun an envy. I hope I do well since I can't proceed with being an auditor when you fail your exam now can I?

2 days at home without Boo is unbearable, I use to make fun at him when I was away for a voyage trip but now I fall flat on my face and feel the impact of it firsthand. Unbearable does not even come up close to describe the kinda empty feeling you have inside. Hm.....too much emo? But anyway, I suck it up like I use to do, do the usual routines, go out for a walk and not sulk. And a particular Saturday morning event just perk me up unexpectedly. Here I was after having breakfast at mamak. Was at the Bookshop and flicking thru some old magazine and I picked up a mag with Charlize Therone on the cover with just a sheet on her body. So the mamak kinda took it the wrong way and said he wanna show me something, Lo and behold..he has a couple of urm scantly glad ladies on the cover of the magazine and as if I'm intrested in buying any one ar all of them. Yeah, right. Like that gonna happen soon, so I decline, with a smile on my face being nice and all, not good to be grumpy after breakfast and early in the morning.

Only manage to catch Boo on Monday after work, he was laying down at the family area, like a big old urm...him. He offered me pizza though, which was kinda nice if I was hungry but I guess seeing him does make up for the fullness that my stomach feels. The rest and what we do after pizza is all together a big hush hush. No display of public affection here people, nothing to see, move on now.

It's a bit late now in Vietnam, will continue about journey to Ho Chi Minh City tomorrow, if possible. Got places to go and so little time.

Adios amigos.....nitey night!

Suka suka mak nenek saja

Soalan yang tak berapa lojik: Apasal orang cakap gelabah bewak, terkejut beruk? Bukannya terkejut bewak? Walhal kalau bewak terkejut, lintang pukang dia lari. Orang kalau gelabah bukannya lari, cuma duduk tak senang saja. Habis tu mana lojiknya pakai perumpamaan "gelabah bewak"
Nak tengok terkejuk berut cuba carik kat YouTube.....ada punya, so kira boleh diterima pakai la reaksinya.

Perhatian: Sila jangan guna perkataan di atas didalam peperiksa anda kalau tak nak kantoi dengan cikgu Bahasa Malaysia atau kelak anda hendak menggunakannya didalam peperiksaan anda.

Hotel Hooping

I weight myself just now and I'm 65kg. I see myself in the mirror and see that I'm not that urm...need to use the correct word here...big? Yeah it should do anyway. So where was I? Oh yeah, my reflection in the mirror, I guess this is the right time for me to get busy and start working out and develop the mass that I gained to muscle. Far fetched? Well its better than mopping about the way I look and don't do shit. Sides, I can work out with hubby and motivate each other.

Back to the title, I'm in a crazy hotel hooping this week. Stayed in Shangri-La KL during the weekend then I'm off to Singapore for a week and stayed in Furama Riverfront. After that the following week I'll be in Vietnam for the weekend and try to sample Indo China for the first time. Yeah, real nice if I have time to kill and hubby to tag along. Just need to see the place than I can hauled him if budjet permits.

Neway, been having sleeping disorder, slept at 3 or 4 am last night and then was up the whole Sunday for meeting amongst the SEA representative, my Sr from Singapore has been trying to get me to talk infront of the people for several occasion but I'm lucky hehehehe. I don't have a problem talking infront of people, a bunch of people is a different matter.

On the bad side of the planet, I'll be out of reach from my Boo for a week plus and yeah, we only got to see each other after I came back from Singapore and before I went to Vietnam, so that kinda suck but this is life....suck it up and face the world.....Yehawwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Tagged

THE SELF
[01] Name: Amri
[02] Nickname: Damage / Anton
[03] Married: Once upon a time...yes...seriously
[04] Zodiac Sign: Pisces / Tiger
[05] Gender: Male
[06] Age: almost mid-30s
[07] High School: Sains Perlis
[08] University: what university? just polytechnic only ma
[09] Height: 165cm
[10] Weight: 65kg
[11] Do you like yourself: Yes
[12] Piercings: Yes
[13] Right or left: Left
[14] Are you a freak: Depend on who's asking
[15] Hair: Black
[16] Skin: Sawo matang (I can't find the appropriate word for it)
[17] Allergic: Redundancy
[18] What are you doing now: Stuck in Labuan answering the "tagged"
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Sleep or continue reading
[20] What will you do 10 years later: Same thing or sumthing less vigorous

THE FAMILY
[21] Live with mother/father/parents: No
[22] Siblings(included you): 4
[23] Eldest: Sister
[24] Youngest: Sister
[25] Love/hate your family: Take them as what they are

THE LOVE
[26] You found your another half: Yup
[27] If yes, who is he/she: Go figure
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: do not go figure
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: hm...........doggy question
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): i dun keep scores
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): i dun keep scores
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: Yes..to my ex
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: make friends with people he don't like
[34] Ever argue with your other half: Yes
[35] You with your other half since: the swimming class
[36] Are you straight/Lesbo: Urm.....
[37] Reasons you love your other half: I don't need any reason...i take him as he is
[38] You and your other half in which stage: Finding the right balance between here and there and plotting where we would be in 2 years time. Then if we survive the 2 years, we keep on moving
[39] You woo-ed her/him or he/she woo you: Worked both way
[40] Ever think of marry he/she: Yup, definitely

THE FRIENDS
[41] Your first best friend: Ijone
[42] Your first enemy: Hm.......Mike
[43] The friends you love the most: Those who listen when you need and ear, who reasons when you need justification, who basically is there when things are good and bad.
[44] The enemy you hate the most(1only): The one who thinks he/she "macam bagus sangat"
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: Liza, i thinked she's married now.
[46] Your most handsome guy friend: My boifren also la.......
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: Bitch
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: Read the above....
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: Nope
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover : Where got....
[51] If your friend backstab you: I'll kick their ass
[52] If your friend betray you: read above..
[53] If your friend woo your lover: read answer 51
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: Hm......say no in the best possible way
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: I dun think so

THE EDUCATION
[56] Are you a good student: Nope
[57] You always do your homeworks/assignments: Yes
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: Cikgu Rahim, primary math teacher(very morbid facination with bloody gauze)
[59] Always late to school/college: Nope, am an early bird
[60] Your class: What class
[61] You love your seniors: They never torture me nor sexually abuse me, but no love.
[62] Senior who you love the most: Halim..he's cool, he lend me books. Additional comments..read above
[63] Your classmates good/bad: Mix
[64] Excellent result classmate: It's hard keeping track wen they go AWOL on you or vice versa
[65] Laziest classmate: ILI...but end up as the 2nd best student in geology UM..go figure
[66] Smart people: Hm.....none that i can think of
[67] Stupid people: People tend to do stupid stuff on give conditions
[68] Good looking people: Who does not look down on other people
[69] Ugly people: Vice versa of 68
[70] Funny people: Does not take life too seriuosly
[71] Cute people: Who carry themself well
[72] Bad people: take too long to answer this....so i'll skip it
[73] Honest people: take people as who they are
[74] Acting people: Depends on who you want to kiss ass
[75] You are what kind of people: Human being with flaws

THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: Lip
[77] Hugs or kisses: Hugs
[78] Shorter or taller: Doesn't matter
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Spontananeous
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach
[81] Listener or talker: both
[82] Romantic or rich: Depends on where your heart is...
[83] Good husband or Good Father: both, can aa?

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get married: Go figure
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 2,3 @ 4. Not definite
[86] Career: That makes me happy and well rewarded
[87] Salary: A lot, lol
[88] Retirement age: I dun want to be too old to enjoy life
[89] Properties value: Sustainability
[90] Wishes: A plenty...just need to prioritise

Happy now?

I'm tagging leo, and sharm ...

Cut & Paste

I"'m a wee bit lazy this month...so instead of writting meaningless things, I decide to dig my friendster archives and put everything that has been written down in one single place....Tadaaaaa......... Enjoy and have a field day.


Udah lama jugak aku simpan cita-cita nak buat benda alah ni, tapi kata putus tu masih macam biasa aku tangguh dari hari ke hari, sampai la pagi ni. Berjaya jugak, tahniah buat diri sendiri!
Sebelum lembaran ni dibuka, banyak benda yang berlegar-legar kat dalam kepala otak tapi bila dah mula menulis, semua tu hilang. Ajaib betul. Sekarang ni pun otak tengah ligat berputar, apa nak tulis, boleh ke tulis macam ni, ok ke buat begini tapi jari masih kaku di atas papan kekunci. Banyak sangat idea pun susah jugak kan? Sekarang ni kira kamikaze saja, bila dah biasa sikit boleh la menaip banyak benda sikit.
Nak pakai Bahasa Malaysia atau Inggeris, tu pun ada kesan jugak pada blog dara nih, tapi rasanya boleh buat selang-selang kut, tak pun tengok mood ker, kalau best tulis BM, pakai BM. Kalau seronok tulis dalam BI, pakai jer BI tapi kamus Dewan kena siap sedia kat sebelah la, heheheh buat rujukan. Ejaan BI ni den tak berapa pandai sangat. Takat nak lepaskan tengkuk tu boleh la..heheheh.
Sebelum ni memang dah penah tulis dalam journal, masa sekolah menengah, cikgu suruh buat nak latih diri la kononnya. Tak lekat banyak, sikit pun dah memandai tapi journal tu dah kena bakar. Orang cakap apa tu, tinggalkan yg lama dan mulakan yang baru. Masa keja kat tengah laut pun ada jugak journalnya, jenuh kena sembunyi dari kenkawan yang jenis tak reti bahasa nak baca. Walhal banyak lagi la majalah tabloid yg berteraburan dalam bilik. Sifat manusia kut yang suka sibuk pasal hal orang lain, heheheh. Setelah 3 tahun hilang, ada kat stor akhirnya dapat balik dan sekarang ni ada dalam jagaan hubby. Banyak benda dia highlight kat dalam journal tu, sakit jugak la kepala nak ingat balik semua tu.
Digital diari pun ada jugak, masa tgh cuti lama tanam anggur lepas berhenti keja kapal tahun 2002. Tapi bukan selalu jugak la tulis, kekadang panjang, kekadang pendek dan ada jugak yg cuti sampai 2 - 3 bulan sunyi tanpa berita. Dan sekarang ni kira era it nih pakai la pulak Blog. Mula-mula saja rajin, lepas tu heheheh, malas pulak nak cerita. Kalau rasa-rasa dah ok, boleh la mula buat novel kut, itu pun bergantung kepada semangat jati diri dan semangat Malaysia Boleh! Yang tak tahannya nak pikir plot dan perkembangan watak-watak dalam cerita ni nanti, maklumlah nak bagi menarik. Mana ada org nak baca cerita yang tak best kan?
Walaubagaimanapun, sampai di sini dulu buat hari ni, titik tolak bagi kehidupan era globalisasi nih makin hari makin mencabar. Samada kita nak turut serta atau cuma jadi pemerhati saja, pokoknya kita gembira.
Sehingga ketemu lagi, peace out!

Friday, April 8th, 2005

I Lied

I was away from the blog scene for a week and it seems like gazillion days have passed me by. I'm pretty much being shackled by my duty towards my job, as a life saver cum confidante cum hm...I ran out of witty words to describe myself to the eyes of my soul mate. But anyway, what I'm trying to say was/is that I'm busy enough to get me away from the net and do my work instead of browsing for the latest Naruto or Bleach anime and finish my blog. Way too much distraction.

I was also thinking of dropping out my facebook account as I'm pretty much tied up/having trouble organizing my blog...maybe I can just put everthing here and life will be much more easier...I wished. But I need to evaluate on things to come and make some changes, life or death, social or work. Mannnn...this is much to be done and I'm still stuck with a work my "friend" left me.

I'll continue with work first, then hopefully I can sit down quietly one of these days and do some ass kicking cleaning job on my profile.

Till then, here as brief update:
- was doing crazy job in two different states and 2 different job in a single day. 1st was in Melacca then I wisked off to Pasir Gudang. Finish work then Drove back to KL coz I got a plane to catch to Brunei on the following day. Arrive KL around 2.30am..pack and have a decent sleep. By 6.30am I was driving to KLIA..how mad can I be?
- Drove to Ipoh for my Boo friend's wedding, give present, have lunch, go see the bridesmaid, then off to KL.
-Sunday went for Housing expo in Midvalley and still looking for the place to call my own.
-Deepavali was spent at home, being lazy with my Boo and send his car for servicing (I'm being a good hubby as he's busy studying for exam next week)

Avil - lion

Nice view eh? (Picture courtesy of boo)

I was away during the weekend after coming back from Labuan. I'm starting to get busy here. Frequent night's out, less hours at home with Boo boo (my significant other) so the only sane choice is to haul his ass to Avillion for some quality time (not with me, but with himself and nature). He does have the tendancy to get bored at home, so yeah..this kinda helps to reduce the rate of boredom.
Why I say quality time with himself? Well, I was attending my station meeting and some team building thingy, which is a shock for me on my first time I joined the company. They like to have occasional station meeting someplace other than office, sometimes with. without family members (the one without family members is more conspicious...me not inlcuded, I was dragged along to follow, no choice).
Eh...my flight to Brunei is here, so I need to packed my stuff to go boarding. Will continue the story later.

Upheaval

" Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours............."

Daughtry - What about Now


My fren got a job in Qatar, being paid handsomely (not getting paid by a handsome dude. Helo? soheh tak dak benda lain nak pikir tu) and my urm..ex got a job in Oman. I mean people around me kinda gets an oppurtunity to seek their calling and have a leap of faith.

I have my share of leaping and hopping and stumble face first ( not with grace most of the time eheheh) when it comes to faith (mine is still intact but a bit dodgie). Speaking of which, I took a leap of faith today by eating about 4 @ 5 crabs at anjong ketam eventhough my Doctor told me to ease on the sea food as my uric acids is a wee bit high. Since I have only one life, what the heck...enjoy life la, not that often I'm being spoiled for choice when it comes to eating things I like.

Mengantuk la pulak. Banyak makan ceefud nih. Apa lagi nak boom boom la...stay up pun tak guna jugak.

Slamattttt.....

Delirium

I'm in the airport, arrive here a bit early after I left the office and fell asleep on the ERL. I thought it was a long sleep but when I woke up, the train has just passed Putrajaya station.

I was in my weird mood today, I don't feel like talking a lot, was mostly quiet all the time...even to hubby. Not blaming it on anybody, it's just one of those days when I feel like shit and things are not that easy in life as well but I do make the most out of it by sleeping.
I found that sleeping helps a lot in controlling my rise of rage and anger. I have not been pissed at my self for a long time. Nothing to stir my well of anger. Glad that I never had any therapy session otherwise the Doctor will have a field day, not to mention the pills I'll be popping down.

Eh...lost in my thoughts again, by the by, I need to haul my butt to the departure hall, going to Labuan today for some survey session, hope I can cope up with the delay start up after 2 weeks of being jobless, my collegue is sick and I guess it's up to me to carry out all of the inspection. Tisk...it's going to be a long day for me tomorrow...wish me luck.

Adios!

Layannnnnn

This is a great song to get along when you are feeling melancholic and wanted to layan blues (taste differ from person to person).

Nitrus - Resah

Berapa lama harus aku tunggu
Kata setuju kamu
Kau biar aku menanti pilu

Kau diam bisu buat aku keliru
Mana tuju hatimu
Usah biarku resah menunggu

Raut wajahmu bisa ditelahku
Kau masih belum tentu
Apa ada rasa dalam hatimu

Datang padaku cerita padaku
Ungkapkan rasa itu
Apa saja buat hilang ragumu

Sesungguh tak kau tahu
Diriku ada kamu
Akan ku relakan semua ada ku untukmu
Mungkin bila kau tahu
Mungkin bisa kau temui jiwaku
Usah biar terusan begitu

Happy layan kepala.....Adios

Melancholic

Selamat post hari raya......ada bagus sambutan tahun ni? Ni raya yang pertama buat den setelah 6 tahun tak balik raya (demonstrasi dan rebel diri sendiri pada kaum keluarga la katakan). Apa boleh buat, ada sedikit pengaruh luaran dan jugak nak pertahankan dasar ego diri sendiri yang agak degil (memang saya degil pun, apa nak buat dah tersemat dalam DNA sejak azali lagi).

Ok la tuh, takkan nak ungkit cerita lama kut, gilo apa...soheh lepas buka pekung di dada musti banyak orang komen punya lah. Jadi, jangan harap den nak lawakkan diri sendiri macam tu...nak tau sila buat temujanji dengan orang rumah saya (merangkap PA saya). Bagi 2 -3 hari lagi nanti saya buat cerita Raya tahun ni ok? Bagi la can nak legakan mabuk kuih Raya dulu...sengkak nih (sengkek pun ada la jugak.....pulus habis bagi duit Raya :) ).

Terkesima sebentar pasal orang rumah tau tau aja bercakap dalam tidor. Penah jugak terkena, ingat dia sembang dengan kita, rupanya dengan kawan di alam mimpi...hempeh sungguh. Nasib baik dia comel, cium pipi jer lah. Jangan nak kona kona cerita yek, takkan ada cerita atas katil punya. P n C.

Mood cerita pun tak ada melankolik, so nanti bila ada feel baru saya tulih pasal benda benda yang sewaktu dengannya. Tengah hari kelak nak turun Melaka jap ada rumah terbuka, makan free punya pasal sanggup pi Melaka, gilo betui....minyak dengan tol bukannya free. Tapi sebab kenkawan maka panjanglah langkah ni ke Melaka jap lagi.

Selamat berhari minggu, jangan tido banyak sangat, jangan makan kuih banyak sangat nanti suar jadi ketat (bukan nak kata kat diri sendiri). Bawak keta elok-elok.
Peace out!

NORWAY - Sandvika

I arrive in Frankfurt, Germany at 0530 am, 24th September 2008. Now, that is chronologically accurate well.....at least to the minutes. This airport is weird. Ok, so I was a wee bit early for business but hell, its just a clutter of mess (if you compare to say...KLIA or Singapore airport). I have less reference of other airports since I do not linger that long there nor do I go to a lot of airports. Even in China, getting from 1 terminal to another is a breeze, the signs are clear and straight to the point.


But lucky enough, I get to where I wanna go with a lot of doubt in my head, which worries me since I was at the Immigration for quite sometimes. Got interviewed by the lady there (what? do I look evil and menacing enough to create damage?) I literally have to present every evidance that I got at my expense to satisfy her craving for urm....answer.



After that then there is a hassle of going thru the airport scanner which means I have to upload everthing metal in the bag which is a hassle. The guard there is cute (in a bearish kinda way...but that's not the point. You can strip search me anytime big boy!). It's fasting month by the way, no swaying of thoughts whatsoever. Oh yeah...I probably should have not written that down coz hubby will kick my ass (Gomenasai boo!)



Again, there is nothing there that can interest me, stuff there is a bit expensive even it says "Duty Free". Its cheap if you don't run the exchange rate calculator in your head. I bought a Hard Rock Cafe Oslo T-shirt (I'm soo gonna get lucky when I get back home). Mind out of the gutter people. And a teedy bear + Beer glass for a friend ( he wanted tee's for him the wifey but there are no larger size than S at that particular moment. Lucky me). Payment time and my card is not registering at the casher...crap. Now I have to fork out my cash instead and it just left me about 50 N0rwegian Krone which is about RM24. What can I but for that much money in Norway? Well just 2 bottles of 500ml carbonated drinks. My ticket thru and fro from hotel is much more expensive.

After that, I have no mood to traverse anymore, walk around the city a bit and then I make a U-turn and get a train back to Sandvika, surf for a while while waiting to breakfast. Occasional sleep.

The next two days are spend in class and lucky I was a bit converse about the things that they were lecturing about and I could afford to fall asleep once in a while. It's a 7hours time difference and yeah I was lagging a bit (or was it advance? hmmmmm). Finish class, take a shuttle back to station and walk abit before reaching hotel. Breakfast is as yesterday...buns and serunding daging plus some fruits I nick during lunch break. It'a paid for and I'm taking my share dammit.

After 2nd day in class was done, I'm packed and was looking forward to get back home. Pray to God that my card will not fail me when I needed it the most...just to get me a ticket to the airport and I'm homebound. Takkan nak cilok kut..bulan posa nih. Thank God I made it, man a lot of people on the train and the airport. Flight got delayed for 30 minutes and then another 15 minutes prior to landing and an alarm was begining to loudly blare inside my head. Can I make it in time? What about the gate and Immigration? And just my luck, I was on a que which seems for ages to reduce its load. The stamping dude was checking every spelling in the passpport while his collegue on the other booth was making progress like a revolution and I was cursing in my head. Lucky I got the other dude otherwise I'm gonna do some cynical and not so witty remarks which will probably got me in trouble and stripped search (what is it with me and strip search? I have no idea...must be the geoghraphical thingy).

I was almost on a frantic note looking for the departure gates and why do the have to built it damn far apart? Just In time and once on the flight I was stuck in the middle. Damn that check in lady, I told her aisle seat and she gave me the middle..curse her to hell! Lucky enough I was a good passenger and sleep most of the way, not fully asleep but I try to snooze as much as possble otherwise I'm gonna be one cranky SOB when I got home.

Plane stop for an hour transit in Bangkok, looking for sumthing nifty to buy, the bath salts looks nice but then a thought hit me...I don't have a bath tub. Duh...save my money there...Imagine that if I did buy the salts, then I have to get me bath tub. Now wouldn't that be crazy? So I didn't buy anthing, was tempted but not buying.

Reach KLIA safely and it's almost breakfast time. I save sumthing from the flight to just cukup syarat nak berbuka then get an ERL to KL sentral and hopping on the monorail to pick my car which I park in the office. Intelligent huh? At least I don't have to drive most of the way....or I could get me a taxi, which I'm not and that's that.

I still have a few ringing in my head and a slight stability problems...jet lag lah...not alcohol induce mind you.

Next week I'm off for a week plus, balik kampung la, cuti. I have not celebrate Raya for 6 years and I think I don't miss it that much since I'm not going from house to house and collect money heheheh.

P/s: For my fren Rizal who was here last week, sorry that I was not around much to hang out and do stupid stuff. Glad you manage to get something Good and bad this trip, valueable lesson in life I must say. Catch you around if I got any jobs over there. Be gud and have a pleasent Raya and Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Speedy Gonzales

Today is a hectic day, period.

I'm in the office as early as I could, booting up the laptop and ready to clear off my pending report but then, all of a sudden my eyes becomes very heavy and sleepy. Cursed my luck, just when I was about to become all productivity and all, things turned out like this.

Anyway, I get past thru the sleepy period, twist my neck a few times and I'm as good as new. Keyed in some data, while my eyes frantically searching for a best bargain hotel in Langkawi for my after Raya retreat. Need some time to be away from work and lay back and do nuthin'...with my hubby off course.

After a few hagling and negotiation, we find the agreed spot. Will story on the up coming blog in October. Please book your tickets early gentleman. Otherwise, it's just the rerun for you guys.

Know why I'm all in a rush? I got a flight to Norway this evening and it is both sucky and not sucky at the same time. Sucky coz its fasting month, its cold, its too quick and the main point is I don't have the addequate moolah since all have been channelled for celebrating Raya. The not so sucky part is, its cold (less sweating), fasting month (less eating hence budjet) and....and..... I could not find anything else this time (my mind is racing about completing my report since its 11 am now)

So, to cut this thing short...I just wanted to have a chance, just incase I could not make it live to say it "Selamat Hari Raya - Maaf Zahir dan Batin?(don't know if I ever need to apologize for the batin part to all people since I'm not that premiscious) but heck, just for the sake of saying it since everyone is saying it.

Again, due to heavy traffic and increasing numbers of cars on the road during this festive season..I wish all of you guys no matter where you are...safe journey and don't sleep or eat ketupat and drive - very hazardous to your precious life and those who loves you.

Peace out!

A little less Conversation

I'm bored in the office. Honestly. I can't even finish a job that I've started on the same day on the same timeline. My body is refusing to co-operate with my mind and that is bad for business. If I have my own business, I would go down like a ship with holes on the bottomplate and all manhole left open, just for the sake of sinking down at a much faster rate than usual.



Speaking of which (about ship), I used to sail before (No, I do not wear the white sailor Popeye's uniform). I'm more inclined towards the machinery stuff and can you believe it that my working hours are done mostly while I'm below sea level except when I'm on the funnel. It was the higlights of my life, career wise. Imagine that I've just finish my study, then immedietly got a job ( it helps if you got sponsered and was payed to study). My mom was kinda reluctant to let me live a life like that, she wants her child to be in univercity, well mom, I'm doing good without any degree from any univercity...just me and myself.



But the kinda sucky part was, I travel from East Malaysia, Sarawak to Japan during my 6 year stint as a marine engineer and only Japan. Once to Korea but that doesn't count since I did not buy anything to remember that place. It was an easy life, get up in the morning, have breakfast and you're at the workplace in 5 minutes. Compare to working ashore, waking up as early as 5.45am and reach the office around 7.30am...pretty much of a different huh?



During that time of work, I got burned couple of time, cuts on my hands and other parts, fall down a steep metal ladder which slams on your knee (Ouch!), throw stuff when you're pissed at your boss, have late and crazy breakdown (machine wise, not me), restless sleep and so fourth. But there is also the good and best part, like free food, cool place to shop when you are in Japan, strange co-worker, crazy past time (like playing cards and who ever loses get to drink a few cans of soda heheheh, cruel eh...but fun) plus I get to buy the Gundam built up kits at a cheeper price.



Ahhhhh...those were the days but now I'm becoming one of the land dweller but still attached to my first root, the sea. Can't be helped, I'm born under the water sign and water is life hence that kinda makes my exsistance somewhat special hehehehe.



Final end of almost 3rd week fasting season, another week plus to go. I'm off to Norway end of next week, my boss wanted to send me there, great.....yeah...right. Just hope that I can get a flight back home safely otherwise I'll be spending Raya in the Euros...whoohoo!

Miscellenous

Salam sejahtera buat teman - teman semua. Sopan kan intro pepagi nih? Nampak sangat tak de keja nak buat kekekeke. Mintak mahap yo, den banyak keja nak kena siap tapi lambat pick skit pagi nih...brain dead skit. Soheh kena infection dari orang rumah, dia tak keja hari ni, malas dan penat katanya, boleh? Ok, I made up the lazy part hehehehe. Lupa la pulak ni bulan posa, jadi tak leh nak buat cerita - cerita sensasi.

Lambat pulak rasanya minggu ni bergerak, baru hari Khamis....malas nih. Nak kata tak cukup zat, dah makan suppliment semalam...hm........ Nanti nanti lah saya pikirkan jalan penyelesaian yang bernas.

Nak jadikan cerita, macam macam benda bermain dalam kepala sekarang nih. Dengan nak Rayanya, dengan nak kena pi Oslo minggu depan dekat dekat nak balik Raya la, ekonomi semasa, Bursa Saham jatuh (macam la tau main @ ada main share kekekeke), suasana politik Malaysia yang tetiba jo sensasi (baru la nak amik tau skit pasal hal ehwal negara sendiri, sebelum nih malas nak layan sangat...macam drama swasta) dan hal hal peribadi dan peribodi.

Banyak habiskan masa keja kat opis, al-maklum la bos kuar pi meeting, timbalan bos pun kuar outstation, tinggal la hamba yang hina nih kat opis jadi pengurus, penjawap e-mail, penyelesai masalah, tempat mengadu nasib dan lain -lain perihal masyarakat setempat kat tempat kerja. Orang lain boleh balik jam 4 petang, kita yang terlebih waktu, dah la masuk awai (Ni kira luahan hati @ komplen yang tak rasmi).


Anyway, I missed my four adorable cats ( my ex got a hold of the custody for them, not that I didn't care enough about them but due to my job and travel schedule, which sucks). All I got was their picture and last night I remember that 4 of my cats were laid to rest on the grounds of my former house in Puchong. So all in all, I used to have 8 cats! A lot of number eh? Now I just adore cats at the pet store, my luxury of owning a cat is not right for the time being.

P/s: I was thinking of getting a house, should I do it now or wait next year? Hmm.......
Dammit! Having trouble uploading my cat's picture into my blog, dammit dammit dammit. Sheesh, will do it later later lah.

Get down of the low down

Howdy do wickedness and sinners? Long time no hear nor see, eh? This is typical Malaysia English (Menglish) greetings used widely across the country, so bear with it.

It has been a quiet month for me. With all the fasting and all, so I do need to abstain myself from rambling much about nonsense and sexs? Do I ever indulge my readers with sexual encounters? NO, I don't think so, so yeah...fat chance that will ever happen, period.

Sokay. What have I been doing for the past September (1st and 2nd week). Nothing much exactly. Loitering in the office, downloading anime over the net, catch up with friends over YM and watch 2 movies in a night. 1st one was Vin Diesel's Babylon AD, there were like less tha 20 people including meself and org rumah but the 2nd movie we say, Adam Sandler's Do not Mess With The Zohan is even better....only me and hubby. I mean, how rich can I be at that time? LOL. I must have missed the shockwave of the Zohan waaaaaaaaay to far. The fact that I fell asleep watching both movies back to back sure does numb the feel of the story line.

I was ok on the 1st movie, about a good 30 minutes of it, then my world turn black and I remember waking up about 5 minutes before the credit rolls. Ehehehehe... bad huh? But the 2nd movie was not that bad, just an occasional black outs with less tha 10 seconds time lapse. It was a funny movie so yeah, the jokes helps to keep my spirit alive.

Selain daripad tu, tak dak agenda yang berapa menarik nak di kongsi buat kenkawan semua.
So, posa elok2, jangan ponteng tanpa alasan yang bagus dan boleh pakai.

Jumpa laie sebelum raya, insyallah.

P/s: my fren from Brunei is coming in next week, looking forward to chit chat and stuff (with the limit la, nak kena sekeh dgn my hubby, gilo apo).

Ok chow cin cau!

Meet the Parent

Gelabah macam biawak jugak nih, al-maklumlah dalam proses nak jumpa mertua. Boleh terima ke idak? itu yang penting. Mintak-mintak mood semua orang kat situ ok jua. Tapi ye lar hati manusia sapa dapat duga. Kalu tak, tak ada la pepatah macam tu kan?

Mintak maaf kalu intro a.k.a mukadimah tak berapa cantek (bukan lagu Altimet - cantik ya sedara - sedara sekalian). Nak menaip lagi la seksa skit..tak banyak, skit jo pasal org umah tgh tido kat belakang. Yup, saya jadi bantal buat sementara waktu, jangan gusar. Memang selalu macam nih. Tak ada adengan adengan lucah pasal hari ni pasal dah start posa. Yup Ramadhan kembali lagi dan tahun ni kira macam ada perubahan besar la. Nanti cerita ok, saya nak habiskan tajuk di atas terlebih dahulu.

Masa sampai kat airport Kuching sempat la jugak layan Laksa Sarawak jap (lepaskan rindu - 3 tahun keja kat Sarawak, dah kira macam makanan ruji la. Tak laksa, makan mee kolok @ mee sapi). Pastu orang rumah sampei, pi carik kakak dia kat luar pastu terus gi airport, eh bukan dah kat airport buat apa ni pi airport kan? Pi hospital tengok bapak dia. Gelabah tak menjadi lagi pasal kepala blur. Masih dalam kawalan diri, tak dak la sampai macam rasa nak lompat kuar dari keta pada tahap kelajuan yang tak berapa membunuh lagi.

Sampai ja kat spital ( kanak-kanak, jangan guna ayat yang tak berapa sempurna ni untuk karangan bahasa melayu mahupun digunakan untuk urusan surat rasmi kerajaan....tak pasal pasal kena tolak a.k.a reject), biawak pun mula menjalar..tapi kena jaga tingkah laku budi bicara...maintainnnnnnnnnnnn. Ramai jugak orang kat wad nih, syukur alhamdulillah buat masa sekarang aku memang tak pernah kena tidoq kat spital, kiranya dirinya sihat la jugak. Eheheheh..banyak pulak songeh kali ni yek, bila masa nak sampai adengan suspen pun tak tau kekekekek sabar tuan-tuan dan urm...puan-puan?

Jeng jeng jeng...que muzik dramatik skit, akhirnya jumpa jua mak dan bapa mertua kat spital. Alhamdullillah aku tak banyak bercakap atau buat lawak badut kurun ke 19, maklumlah anak bongsu depa dah balik. Aku banyak jadi pemerhati PBB saja, biasa lakan..tak mesra alam lagi. Sabar. Bagi la masa anak beranak sembang dulu, lagi pun aku tak ada apa-apa cerita menarik nak dikongsi masa tu. Takat gossip liar artis-artis dalam dan luar negara boleh la dikongsi bersama tapi persoalannya, adakah itu penting bagi mereka? Nak bagi orang umah promote aku pun tak brapa syok jugak nanti nampak sangat nak jual anak hantu ...eh anak menantu. Well....sepatutnya anak hantu pun tapi apa nak buat dah pilihan hati.

Dapat la habiskan masa 3 hari 2 malam kat Kuching secara percuma, bawak keta ronda-ronda bandar Kuching (tak pusing habis pun, saya bukannya bercuti cik oiii, melawat orang sakit), borong kek lapis bagi kat kakak balik KL nih, rayau rayau tengok perabot. (Nasib baik la gaji ciput kalu tak dah banyak perabot yang serabut aku borong). Lagipun benda-benda tu semua bagak-bagak, macam mana nak muat masuk dalam poket hatta dalam beg sekalipun. Beg mayat boleh la, tapi kalau meja makan mau la jugak 2-3 helai buat balut. Tak pa...cek sabaq menanti, insyallah ada duit lebih ka boleh la borong meja makan untuk umah baru ni. Nak senang pakai jo meja lipat, settle masalah.

Akhirnya, masanya telah tiba untuk balik KL, almaklumlah keja dah berlambak menanti dan aku pun bukannya bawak banyak baju mai Kuching. Macam pit stop dari Labuan balik ke KL jor, alang-alang dah sampai Labuan pasal ada kerja jadi amik la masa untuk singgah Kuching jap sebelum balik.

Kesimpulannya, mak dan bapak mertua kira boleh terima la tapi bukan berdasarkan fakta sebenar,kalau fakta sebenar keluar, alamat tak jejek la kaki den kat Kuching laie. Insyallah, kalu masa tu ada, kebenaran akan timbul jua (banyak pulak berkias kali ni yek).

Cerita kali ni ditamatkan dengan ucapan Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan AlMubarak, jangan hanya posa lapar dan dahaga saja, rugi tuh. Saya pun tak nak rugi jadi bulan ni cecehan pun mungkin kureng skit. Nasib baik tak jadi wartawan buat gossip ek, kalu tak soheh pahala posa tinggal ciput jo....Selamat semua, selamat menyambut Merdeka yang ke 51 buat Malaya.

Peace out!

Despite all my rage

Selamat awal pagi. jang tanya mimpi apa dan kenapa aku menulis tersangatlah awalnya, cuma aku saja yang tahu. Pertama sekali, masuk minggu nih dah 4 minggu berturut-turut aku ulang alik dari KL ke Labuan ke KL ke Labuan ke KL. Bukan nak komplen kata tak best (boleh jugak buat bajet raya kelak) tapi masa-masa nak pindah ni la keja banyak. Macam mana nak pindah kalu barang-barang kat rumah selerak macam sarang Cik ti (mak saya cakap jangan panggil nama penuh nanti geng-geng dia datang lagi ramai, betui ka?).

Hari ni pun kat Labuan lagi, besok balik singgah Kuching jap...Ahad pulai ke KL la kut....harap-harap. Kalau tak sangkut lagi kat Borneo ni. Tapi kalu ni lain sikit, singgah ke Kuching bukannya sebab ada skandal..tapi sebab dah janji nak tengok org umah punya tempat tinggal tengok family dia dan paling penting tengok dia supaya tak jadi Ratu airmata masa melawat bapak dia. Harap-harap dia kuat semangat, kalau tak kena la jadi tukang sorak bagi semangat (ala-ala cheerleader la nih).

Satu lagi berita menarik, masuk hari ni, dah 2 hari teman tak makan nasik. Makan ayam, daging, sayur dan junk food. Boleh jugak hidup yek. Alhamdulillah.....nanti besok-besok kita sambung ok? Chow sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14 Days Later

It's Sunday and I'm spending it with doing some cleaning, boxing sweeping and throwing stuff in my soon be ex-residance. Yup, in two weeks time I'll be going back to a new house, new enviroment and the usual.
As I was doing this, my mind began to wonder and my eyes starting to notice my surrounding and it struck to me that this is one of my last days here...since I move back from Sarawak and settled down in KL (the last place that I thought I would end up). The house is quiet albeit my significant other was in the bedroom watching Youtube. The wind was blowing pretty strong, it helps to cool down the interior and I was resting my back on the study room door, thinking about stuff. The moment was cut short as hubby was looking for me and wanted to have lunch. I comply, but not before I found my manually entry journal when I was starting to sail upon finishing my studies. God! How it brings so many memories that I almost forgot. I was smilling when I read them, never knew it would turn up when I least expected it.
But anyway, I stil got next week to clear up the small small stuff, and by the end of August, its bye-bye Puchong.

I'm gonna missed this place but here's hoping to settle smoothly in the new nest and people. Wish me luck. :)

Ex - Two

Ok, picking up from where I left last time which is stil on the subject of ex or ex's (bukan rock kapak yek). A friend told me that I'm crazily brave enough to do the things that he, himself could never come to do in this period of time...meaning now. I mean, how hard can it be? Well its pretty damn hard! Believe me. It took every bit of courage for me to tell the truth not to one but two person that I wanted out from their life. Yes...I know, not proud of what I'm doing but at least give me credit for being able to stand and not continue lying right in their face. Oh go fly a kite, lol.
But the hardest part is living each day and you stil linger about the choice you made. Again, bad move. Stop linger and stop wonder what ifs and such subjective and dodgy issues. You made the choice, live it and keep looking forward. Looking back will never get you nowhere except feeling sorry for yourself. I know I won't be doing that.
Then comes the part where each of you moving out, parting the stuff you kinda bought together. In simple terms, who gets what things. I guess there are certain default rules that saying everything you buy before you were living together will still consider an individual items. Getting stuff when you were together is the messy one. There might be one party gaining the upper hands and got all the goodies and the other part gets the urm...leftover. Anyway, I'm telling about my part of that. I'm just happy that I get to be with a person who likes me for who I am and not what stuff I got, LOL. Kinda pathetic but hey, it works. Right?
A word of advice to my dear friend...there comes a time in your life when you know what you wanted in your life and dare to fight for what you believe in. Don't hold back, give it all you got. If you need a hand to help you pick up the pieces...I got a brand spankin' new vacuum cleaner. Serious sucking mode, LOL.

Another topic not related to the above. Read the lyrics below (just the chorus part) and tell me your honest opinion.

I kissed a girl - Katy Perry

I kissed a girl and I like it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it

It felt so wrong it felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonite
I kissed a girl and I like it

Now, Katy Perry is a girl. First thought going through the lot of you people are:
a) If you are straight _ "Wow! now there's a chance for threesome"
b) If you are gay - "I'm soo gonna kill my boyfriend tonite!"
c) If you are lesbian - "Its normal what, cept for the boyfriend part. Just ditched the guy and come to momma!"

You won't be hearing the whole "i kissed a girl" part in the radio. All you heard is " I kissed a ____ and I like it". I was listening and what the F**k. (Mind your language dear. Gomenasai!) So for people with no internet you'd be missing an upbeat body shaking song. Who cares about the lyrics, cept for your crazy pychos out there...moi not included. :p

Slamat malam!

Ex

Howdy morning people, rise and shine!

1st entry of August and here's hoping that the momentum will pick up and let the juices flowing. In a creative and positive tone (crossing almost all fingers). I was watching this TV documentation about how series of events can lead to a burst of emotional state which drives people to express themselves either by writting (in this era, blogging, composing song, poems), painting, basically arty stuff. For normal people that feeling would pass, but there are certain exception where some people will be continously feed through their brain with this feeling and keeps on churning out series of expression due to the impulsive urge to do just that. Who ever says that TV is not an enriching knowledgeable tool should be locked away. My mom not included, she just don't like me being a zombie, lol.

Got side tracked again, hehehe...well you know me. What I wanted to say or share with the lot of you, is ok to befriend your ex (boyfriend/girlfriend/wifey/hubby - not ex-machina the comic book or appleseed story).
Me? I got tons of excuses and tons (how much does an excuse weight anyway?) of way how to dealt with the ex (that does not mean I like doing it or having lotsa ex's...it's life experience). My first reaction would be to keep my distance away from them...as far and as long time as possible. Why do I do that? Simple. After you tell someone you love that you no longer want to be a part of their present and future life, do you expect that people to have a field and joyous day? I don't think so...but that depends on how things were prior to the break-up appointment. If both of you were kewl with it then it might not be that easy but if its like a battle field and you can't be in the same room together, well that is another story all together. Ah ha you said. If things are kewl, why the break up? Well kiddies I don't have every answer to every question...keep searching.
Plus, I'll be helping them move on with their life. Most people thought that if the ex stil lingers around and see them every day, then things will eventually work out and they could be together again. ErrrrrKKKK! Does not work that way my friend. I'm not being a pessimist, I'm just trying to help people move on with their life. God knows how hard it must be to be out of the comfort zone but if that is the only way for us to see the big picture, so be it. I would gladly do that over and over again. I give myself 1-2 years after the break up before I approach the ex again...or never in some cases. But then we get into this place where we would remeniscene the good ole days and BAM! end up in bed and feeling misreable afterwards (that's just me..I don't know about the lot of you and how you would feel).
Yes, I don't make it a habit of seeing the ex because of that. I'm not a good person, but I try my best to limit my swaying ways now that I got what I'm looking for (another story for another day hehehehe).

I got a lot to say about this issue, will continue later as I need to pack my bags and check out and go for an inspection at 8 am. Be writting soon...have a pleasent day and see ya!

Things in my car

Dah agak merminggu nak tulis pasal topik nih tapi sangkuk dek kerja, termasuk laporan tertunggak 3 bulan, invoice-invoice terpendam, kerja -kerja tambahan sementara nak tunggu laporan tertunggak 3 bulan nak siap.

Tapi dapat la jadi maskot kat ofis seminggu, 1 -2 hari menarik la, pastu...hampeh mati kutu tak tau nak buat apa. Buat-buat pandai pun tak pandai-pandai jugak...musykil betui. Neway.....tersasar la pulak dari tajuk asal. Apa yang ada dalamketa pakcik selain dari benda - benda wajib contohnya steering kereta, penukar gear, tuil minyak dan brek...kerusi...penting tuh....tak kan nak berdiri kut bawak keta. Ada ka orang bawak keta sambil berdiri? CD player pun macam dah merajuk jer...cuma leh dengar radio dan juga radio semula jadi (Menyanyi dalam keta la). Kat belakang penah ada satu kotak ajaib...tak boleh la lawak kocek ajaib Doraemon...macam macam ada. Benda nak buat survey la...baju overall, hammer buat ketuk kepala orang-orang yang degil tak dengar cakap surveyor, lampu suloh, kasut kepala besi, sarung tangan kulit (hah! Jangan nak ingat benda2 S&M pulak tau. Lucah sungguh masyarakat Malaysia zaman la nih). Pastu ada la berteraburan resit masa isi minyak...ingat nak isi borang menang sejuta batu ka hapa ka..tapi tahap kemalasan tetap tinggi...jadi sampah jer la....nasib baik tak boleh jual kat "Suuuurat kabar lamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"!

Ok la kut, cukup la ada kemasukan untuk bulan Julai nih, mengantok den nih. Tengok bertapa dedikasi nya pekerja contoh nih. Buat keja tak berfaedah malam malam macam walhal orang suruh tidoq....apa apa pun...selamat menyambut Hari Lahir Nabi Muhamad besok....rajin2 la selawat banyak-banyak (murah rezki hendaknya...Amin). Jumpa lagi bulan depan kut.....kut kena ada pasal nak kata confirm 100% memang saja-saja nak bunuh diri la...plus, bulan depan bulan mengecualian. Nak tau pasai apa? Tungguuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

I am blood, I am Haven, I am Sin

I grew weary of my life in this era. For far too many notions, too many things left said and done, too many hurts, bruises, beaten, battered, listless. Where do I stop the pain? What must I do to "reinvent" my story? My story is what you are here for, right? For without it can I truly told you about my life?

I will be back, to many things running inside my head which makes it impossible for me to focus, I'm drained of my will to rationalize about memories that will serve you well, my memory for your pleasure.

*Sigh*.

Allelujah Haptism (Gundam Meister) - pilot of Gundam Kyros

Ok, dah cukup 4 orang Gundam Meister untuk siri terbaru citer robot Gundam yang kira tersohor la jugak selepas siri Seed & Seed Destiny. Bukannya suka sangat tengok citer Gundam nih tapi saja nak kembangkan persepsi tentang dunia Mecha (Robot dalam bahasa orang kampung kat umah saya). Siri kedua nak kuar tak lama lagi untuk citer Gundam nih...rajin-rajin la tunggu.

Tak ada apa sangat yang nak dilaporkan buat hari ni, masih lagi tercampak kat daerah yang lama tak jejak kaki...Tawau. Ada la dekat setengah tahun tak sampai sini, sampai jer tak penah pun nak tidor semalamam. Bukan tak nak tapi kerja punya pasal, sampai tengah hari, lewat petang dah kena balik dah. Nak stay lelama kang boss bising lak, kita datang keja bukannya datang nak makan angin.

Tapi apa yang bestnya hari ni, dalam teksi nak ke KLIA dari umah pagi tadi...dapat la pulak drebar yang peramah, jadi nak tak nak kena la layan, sampai orang umah punya mesej tak berbalas. Bukannya tak nak balas kang tengah balas...ada jer citer yang kuar...dari isu rumah, jem (trafik jem, bukan jem roti ye tuan tuan dan puan puan), harga barang naik, politik ( saya memang tak fasih pasal politik, cuma iyer kan saja heheheh). Tapi seronok la jugak dapat sembang-sembang hilang boring, kalu tak dok senyap macam zombie jer (senyap ker zombie?)

Sampai ke Tawau, on the way nak ke kapal pun sama, masa tengah dalam perjalanan naik bot, fasih benar pakcik sorang ni bercerita, pasal kapal, pasal Tawau, pasal kilang-kilang, pasal pokok koko, pasal bekas gunung berapi yang dah lama meninggal (haaaaaa...musti banyak orang tak tau ada bekas gunung berapi kat Tawau kan kan kan?) ..apa lagi ek...ha, ada canopy walk kat bukit gemuk (kenapa gemuk...jangan tanya saya. Saya bukan pakar sejarah kat pekan nih, cuma datang buek koghe jer).

Pasni kena jadi tetamu untuk makan malam...sekurang-kurangnya makan free hehehehe (bukan bermakna saya pelokek tapi pasal orang dah nak belanja, kita makan ler. Kang kata kita plak yang sombong, isk...tak yah nak sombong pasal makan-makan nih...kecuali dia ajak makan sup gearbox "kerbau pendek").

Apa lagi ek.....buat yang disayangi, jaga diri bebaik, jangan sedih-sedih sangat. Hamba buaknnya merantau jauh, cuma kat Malaya saja. Mintak mahap pasal jadi drama swasta yang macam selalu dirakam kat kawasan perumahan kamu tuh. Tak sengaja pak!

Lockon Stratos (Gundam Meister) – pilot of Gundam Dynames

Perjalanan sunyi yang kau tempuh sendiri, kuatkan lah hati, cinta

Letto – Sebelum Cahaya

Kerja atas kapal dah nak siap, tinggal 2 hari lagi sebelum balik Malaya. Sekarang kapal tengah berlabuh (pelik sungguh bunyinya, macam ada iras-iras novel panas masa kat sekolah menengah dulu) kat tengah laut. Besok tengahari, kalau cuacanya bagus, ada harapan boleh turun darat awal.

Lama gila tak menulis dalam bahasa ibunda, rasa pelik semacam. Tapi tak apa, ini semua dugaan dalam bermain dengan bahasa. Banyak masa lapang sejak dua tiga hari ni baru tadi dapat habiskan ”New Malaysian Essays 1”. Tabik spring kat semua-semua. Banyak benda baru belajar, banyak benda kelakar dan banyak benda yang buat anda jadi ”hmmmmmmm”. Kalau rajin ke kedai buku, sila carik buku tu, tak rugi 30 hengget yang dilaburkan.

Apa lagi berita baru masa kat kapal....minyak naik rega. Hampeh betu, tak isi penuh-penuh minyak keta masa nak naik kapal hari tu kalau tak dah selamat la sikit sen. Bukan cek bawak keta naik kapal no(bukan no = tidak. Ni loghat orang utara, kira macam nak sedapkan cakap la senang kira). Tapi tak apa, sekarang ni kena la jimat gila-gila punya, nak kuar pun kena pikir 4-5-6 kali. Dulu tak payah, nak kuar terus zupp...ilang.

Kalau kompeni baik hati, mintak-mintak la naik elaun batu (milage dalam bahasa Inggeris, jadi kalau alih bahasa jadi batu kan kan kan?) Tak pun, nak outstation naik aja belon macam kat Sarawak dulu. Boleh eksyen kat orang. Orang tanya gi keja naik apa, boleh la jawap dengan hidung kembang yang tak nak kempis ”Kapal terbang”. La ni pun masih lagi kembang, tapi skit-skit je. Malas nak bongkak dan riak...Tuhan marah. Nanti kena murka tak pasal-pasal.

Berita baik seterusnya, berat badan pun rasa-rasa dah turun skit, almaklum la dok naik turun tangki. Penat nak mampuih! Stamina pun dah naik skit, jadi kurang la tahap kepancitan. Ingat lepas balik nih boleh la gi panjat dinding kat One Utama. Test market sat, nak tengok ok ka tak ok. Kalau agak-agak nak pitam masa dok panjat....Banzaiiiiiii!


Cukup kut buat hari dan masa ni. Nanti dah balik Malaya, cek buat cerita lagi no. Slamattt!

Tiera Ardie (Gundam Miester) – pilot of Gundam Virtue / Nadleeh

How do you make up for lost time? Or how do you get past years of your life and move on? Or how do you step out from the shadow that has been there for most part of your adulthood? All questions may not look the same but I tell you, it is intertwine and in somewhat awkward manner my life is currently facing that kind of predicament.

Tell you in a bit after I done my tank diving. Man my work sucks for the time being but the good news is I get to kick myself back in shape…albeit in a rude and unwanted way….my way.

Just finish for today’s job. I’m frickin’ tired and I need to rest. Will write, soon. Ok soon is over, I’m hungry. Skipped my dinner for a needful sleep which is not too shabby. Been going thru some not so new photos in my laptop when I was in Dubai, with my hubby. Its weird, it’s weird because I actually don’t know how I am supposed to feel after him and I are no longer together. Can I actually have a life after this? Its not that I never had a life, previously it was me and him….so seldom am I ever alone going out doing normal stuff that couples do.

I’m not regretting about my decision, I just find it a tad too out of the norm. Would I thrown away my past? My memories of him for the sake of a new relationship or should I just face the truth about my life now and take my past and carry it along with me. Without my past, how sure can I actually say that I made it all the way this time on my own?

When a question comes to you, do you throw away / trade the things you have now for something better in life? How would you answer it? I never throw away what I have in my life, I just try to make the best out of it and if somehow, somewhere along the way I forgot what I was doing it for, I keep reminding myself that this is because I want to be a better person. And if by trading what I have now, well it’s not a trade, more like a self realization that I can do better in my life by changing / altering it a bit why must I stop myself from doing it? In the end of the day, if I managed to improve my life…even if for just a bit, then so be it.

I did not throw away my life for nothing, I gained experience. Experience which taught me that life is not about being the same person who you are with…its about growing up with them, learn from them, loving them more each day. But that is not always the case when you are the one who actually have to do all of the learning and growing up and compromise.

Yes, I am sad about what happened in my life, period. But I knew that if I just give in to self pity…it would be even crueler to me, to him and our relationship. I just hope that the memories live on and I don’t have to run away from it now, God knows I ran for far too long. This is my life; this is the end of a chapter for me.

New ones begin. Hope I can see you there when I’m done. Sayonara.

Setsuna F.Seiea (Gundam Meister) – pilot of Gundam GN 001 Exia

I’m stuck onboard a ship that I come for survey all because of unpredictable weather. Me, myself an unpredictable, a variable if you will. So, sorry if me missing from the blogging scene is making your life incomplete hehehehe, too much, yes?

But really, life has been a big change for me and its not even half of 2008, yet I manage to do things that would take me years to accomplished, let alone achieve. Should I spill out the beans in full HD details? I don’t think so. Not right now and not in public.

One thing you should know is that I’ m not a good person, in every single sense. I try to be good but eventually I break down and fall apart faster than you can hold your breath. It is even harder when you live a lie and lies are all that put me where I am right now. I lie to my mom (it’s a long story and to cut it short she wants me to get married to a girl and be normal…..which I’m not at the moment) so I told her that my job kinda suck and I’m always on the go (which is true), I lie to my colleague when they ask me about my girlfriend and I told them to go fly a kite (kidding). I told them she is good and into family business (matter of fact it was my hubby that I was referring to and he is not a she). What else? Let’s see….. I got a bf….and another bf…which makes it three? Not a rocket science math there, so go figure.

But well…all of it is coming to an end. Somehow along the way between my last entry and my last editing of this piece of story of my so called life, I’ve done some serious deep thinking and mind cracking decisions which breaks two hearts and I have partially buried mine along with it. So now I’m incomplete but I guess having what I really want…a person that is, to be by my side does make up for my insufficient being.

I know it’s cruel to those I left behind but it will be even worst if I just let them live in a lie, my lie. I just finish watching Run Fat boy Run…a line caught my eye. “I would rather ruin your day than let you live in a miserable life”. Not getting it thru? Just go get your hands on the damn DVD will ya!

What else do I need to confess today…..hmmmm I did finish off 3 DVD’s yesterday which says a lot about my free time onboard but what the hell, this is my time to unwind. My days are frickin’ exhaustible and I need some entertainment damn it! Drama much?

So till then, do have a pleasant life, chow babeh!

Travelblogcity Shanghai

Well hello everybody. I must confess, April is not a very production writter month for me. I mean, how busy can I be? Well pretty much busy up to my urm...neck. I know one person who just love necks hahahah. Wanna know? Fat chance!

I'm in my last night in Shanghai, been here since Tuesday. Technically I arrived in Dalian on Sunday evening, checked in and just sleep. Why sleep? Because it was a freaking great room and I aim to salvage every precious moments of well earn RMB by appreciating the room. Why the room? It's Shangri-La and I'm on the 27th Floor, shy 2 floor to the pinnacle. Hell..I even had my breakfast on the 25th Floor, how cool can it be? Pretty much I must say..

Stay in Dalian for 2 days, got a cab to go to the Office but walk back to the office and guess what? I got a little lost, no biggie just that when I ask for direction, the recptionist does not know how to point me back to my hotel but she did told me to go back to pangkal jalan. Its a Malay preverb "kalau sesat di tengah jalan, pulang semula ke pangkal jalan" ( loosely translate to if you get lost in the middle of the way, go back to where you start).

Nice walk, nice weather not too far of a distance plus i manage to see some old building. You know me and my affinity towards buildings which are old and historic. The picture above I took using my handphone...not that good picture but I guess somewhere along my line of work, I got to set my foot back in Dalian again..soon. Finish with Dalian, I move on to Shanghai on Tuesday. Spend 2 days of leisure..thank god and manage to see the Bund and all the historic building i see and get to take picture this time. Well all the nice one are in my camera but I can't show it here since the battery is low and I forgot to bring the charger. I'll update this blog soon...with picture. Hurrah! Finallysome lively pics to cheer up my blog. Not that mine is a tad monochromatic, I guess I could use a little color.

But anyway, I promise to edit this blog later so for now I guess this will have to do..plus its late and i'm sleepy la.

Travelblogcity Oslo Via Amsterdam

15 hours of flight not including waiting time for transfer flight and getting my ass to the airport does take its toll on me. Bloody hell, I’ve traverse 2 continents and the best part is, it’s the beginning of winter time. Oh such joy. What could possible be bad you say? Well for one thing, I don’t function too well in cold weather under 15 degrees C, used to be below 20 but I learned to adapt and manage my bodily functions.

Why do I get to be this far away from home? Well, courtesy of my training program in the company that I worked, my name was enrolled for this limited seated course by my boss. So Boss can actually use his position for somewhat personal gain. What? I’m working for my boss, so technically my boss is using his influences to get me to go to Hovik. Arguing about how I can get there will not make telling this any easier.

Hovik is cold. First thing I see when the plane landed was it was white. Mean that it was snowing at the airport. Not much of a snow person myself but I do enjoy the view it gave, especially when taking the train from the airport to the hotel. Half way through, the snows disappear and I couldn’t imagine that Norway will be erm….quiet. Even though its Sunday, doesn’t mean it has to be a dead city (I’m gonna eat my words afterward, do keep on reading). By the way, I met a Malaysian who is going to Asker for some lecturing stint under his company order. Fun isn’t it to be traveling for free? Yes, but not during the end of the year where even the “Mat Saleh” run away from their home to look for Mr. Sunshine somewhere along the Equator.

So I got down from the train at the station, Sandvika and was trying to look my best not to look like I’m lost or something in that vicinity. I looked left and right since there is only two exit point, how lost can I be, right? Ek! Wrong answer. I got lost, lost pretty bad. Initially the instruction that I got by asking a bus driver was fairly simple (If I were born in this place it might sound simple). I mean how far can I deviate from this…Take a left exit than go straight till I reach a junction and then turn right and follow the road and I can see the hotel. But actually all I see once I got out from the left exit was a cobble stone road which leads to a row of shop lots and a good road which leads under the bridge and off to somewhere else.

Ok, I was being stubborn and out weight my decision to go thru the cobble street road and take the nice one and I got lost. It wasn’t snowing but it was freaking cold, lucky I was all wrapped up from head to toe otherwise I might be cranky and cold and how bad can it be? Lucky enough I was brave (look up in the dictionary and see what kinda of explanation it give) and decided to ask this nice person who was strolling with his kid. He said that I was way off and need to turn back and lucky enough he offered to show me the way. Thank you kind Norwegian sir!


Finally I manage to get to my hotel, *yippie* and was glad that I make it thru. I mean, coming here alone is bad enough but getting lost on the same day, now that is just peachy in a weird kinda way. I know I’m weird just please don’t rub it in some more guys.


It was somewhat around evening that I decided to get out from the room and explore what Hovik has to offer although I know it might sound funny. Truth is, I never see myself as much as an explorer unless I know what I’m getting myself into or I have set my foot for several times and get myself sink into the city. But what the heck, how often can I get lucky and set foot in Europe and basically I’m here for free. So yeah, I get out, get me a train to National theater which I won’t tell you how much it cost since I’ll be seeing numbers for a long time if I do that. Off the train and here I am, smack in the middle of what seems to be a beautiful town with erm…I’m not an architect here, building…old building. I have a tendency to like old buildings and don't get any ideas about old and stuff. Kindly keep them in your pockets and please dispose of them on your way out…thank you.
Oh, by the way, one of the reason I was there was because I was looking for Hard Rock Café heheheheh which I did find, eventually. See? I got good sense of direction and bearings. I walk for a little while, take pictures here and there. Too bad there is none of me in it but what the hell, at least I got memories. Wanted to buy the first Norwegian Idol and World Idol, Mr.Kurt Nielsen but the CD was kinda expensive even after converting it to RM. Oh well, can always bootlegging it from the internet. Now kids, don’t be doing that too often, sooner or later you will starve your favorite artist and you won’t be hearing from them the music you like so much. Been listening to Madcon as well, Hip hop group hailing from Norway, wicked music and video clip. If you do have a chance, browse them on Youtube, the song called “Beggin”.

The rest of the weekdays were filled with being in the classroom, that’s the main reason why I’m there in the first place. Have a nice walk after class, even though it was -5 degree C but heck, I do it just for fun and I like walking. It keeps me healthy. Come now, who am I kidding…I actually dun know how to go back to the hotel by bus or taxi (and they ARE expensive here in Norway). But it was actually fun, walk by the pier with cars passing you by like mad and attempts to sweep you away with every each one of em.

Getting back from Norway, manage to kill some time at Schpol Airport for couple of hours due to delay which gives me plenty of time to walk up and down and go to every possible shop at the airport. I said go, not buy everything from every single shop. I just need but them fridge magnets, y’know. Nothing fancy, just a reminder of place I have been. And by that I conclude my journey to Oslo, it was fun, it was cold, it was a butt numbing flight experience, you should try that. Not the butt numbing, mind you. Ah..I guess that is what we think about by the end of the day heheheh…Med vennlig hilsen (that’s best regards in Norway)

Mr.Sailor

It has been quite a few months since i have been to the sea for surveys, not that i don't want to but rather i have been tied down by the same ship for the 1st quarter of 2008 and finally it manages to sail out. How unlucky can you think i'd be? Well first time it was luck, 2nd time was a bummer and yeah, like what people like to call it, 3rd times the charm. I don't see any charm in that but I do get some unpleasent comments and weird request by the ship owner. I mean how bad can it be right? Beside they are losing USD 35K per day under charter...well there is nothing much I can do but stop myself from saying something stupid.

The keyboard on the ship's computer is pretty fucked up and I don't have the pleasure of calibrating them, just thought that I fill in some gaps since my last entry. What can I say, I'm busy and have hardly any room for myself of late, but not complaining...it has been a swell time of my life. I can have time for myself when I die....soon, but not too soon. I'm pretty sure this will look bad when being published, do bear with me...I promise to sort this out when I get a better connection...at land. BTW, I'm writting this blog in the middle of south china sea, how kool can it be? Well beside being in north or south pole that is..but anyway, enough with the chatter, i need to sleep since i have not been able to do so for the last 3 days...freaking tired and lazy to the bone.

Hasta la vista, babeh

My Guardian Angel

I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever,
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to Heaven......


The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel


What if the person you love most celebrate your birthday by him/her self. What does that say about you? What if he buy a cupcake, a candle and lit it and blow it out...for the sake of having the feel of celebrating your birthday but you were not around. You were too busy not noticing that your work take a toll on the person that you love. How does that makes you feel?

Are you proud to be in a relationship that you forget for that one single day....its your birthday and you didn't think it matters to you but for the person who loves you...it means the world to them. Written like a true angst ridden individual, how I love being in that particular role.

But as they say, time makes you grow wiser but not necessarily in every aspect. For my own negligence and short coming, I never thought I have that kind of impact to such a very wonderful person....Chris...I love you. Love itself is life and my life is somehow intertwine with yours.

Forgive my bluntness for I have missed so much, in my ignorant and selfish self...I have failed to notice your wishes, your dream. Forgive me for I am blood, I am haven and I am sin.

Aftermath

How did my birthday went? It was swell actually. My dearest send me dozen of roses plus a teddy bear...nice eh? But I didn't take the ripple it will cause in my office, starting from my collegue who blares out loud about my birthday and there is something at the receptionist for me. Yes, there is something actually for me. I was puzzled at first, who the hell in their right mind would send flowers to a guy.

By the way, the receptionist did call my extension but I was in the toilet at that time, mind you of what I'm doing there in the morning, it's my business..sheesh. So there I was at the counter, all puzzled and was very sure that the things are for me. Yup, sceptical and guilty as charged. Fiddling thru the bouquet, I manage to find the small card and peek inside...jeng jeng jeng....oh the tension is a killer. Yes, it was from my significant other. Last year I send to him somewhat similar items, to his work place...imagine the attention he gets that day..well what do you know, I got the same yesterday. Problem is all the people here in the office thinks it was from my girl friend...yeahhhhh....righttttttt........ Like that gonna happen real soon or ever.

Being tease is one thing, but getting it left, right and basically from all sides does freak me out. How will I answer them? Can they handle the truth? Or shuold I just smile and hope that they will forget it quick, really quick. And yeah after that I got a little jug and a freaking big cup as a present as well.

Best part was, I did call my mom and she was frantically calling up my sisters to get hold of my mobile. Not that I didn't trust my mum or what but I need to take it slow. I don't want to end up where I left before. That will make no sense at all. The point is, my mum was glad that I called and all she wanted to do was wish me a happy birthday...oh don't look at me like I'm a bad and ungrateful son ( even though I am, but please don't burst my bubble on my fun day). Talked for a while and told her I'm going back on the following weeks after the school break. I don't like fighting on the road with all the soccer mums and dads hauling their offsprings for "balik kampung" session, hence why I choose the date and plus there is another round of......*que dramatic music pleas*....paintball war! This time somebody gonna get hurt real bad. Last time I played, I manage to avoid getting hit. Either I'm that good or the opponent gets killed easily. Morale boosting moments here people.

Apart from that, I think my butt is gonna be on a hot seat today. Indulge on that thought, but not too much or to a certain degree and get it out from the gutter..its not that sleezy.

Hepi Birthday

Its the time of the year where you know you will either dread it or love it. I'm thinking, well wanting actually it to be the later. Wishful thinking *fingers crossed in all possible manner*
I'm not a kid anymore, so perish the thoughts of throwing parties and stuff...I'm not into that.

There 's this one time in my final year in Polytechnic, I sorta celebrate my birthday but only limited to my house mate. These guys actually love doing this stuff. Oh lordy..what have I got myelf into. Nothing fancy, my friend cooks, few decorations and a birthday poster on the wall, courtesy of me, the birthday boy and who can forget cakes and candles. Just thinking about it made me laugh out lout...in my head. Don't want to spoil the fun to my morning colleagues now, do i. Heheheheh

Blasted memory recalls. It was fun though..at that time. Now I just fiddle through whatever the day drops onto me and do the darnest to go back home feeling good or at least less worrying so that I can have a decent sleep at night. Anyway.....ok I actually rewritten this particular sentences 3 times before I could actually find the erm...right feel to it. Oh, who am I kidding, I rethink most of the thing I wanted to say..a pause if you will, a silent notes before the big storm. Word..spoken or written have an impact if said in a right manner or being lashed out blindly..so I try not to lash...I just keep quiet.

Anyway...Good job for making it through this year...it starts quite slow but picking up pace gradually. In 3 months I manage to do stuff which I can be proud and not so proud of but that depends on how we perceive things...it is so subjective and open for various interpretation, of which I do not want to ramble on. I pay off my debt (finally), get back with the family, sorting things..personal wise and work wise. Work actually needs a little more fine tuning and hopefully I can make the grades and perform well this year.

Here's a big cheer to myself, love myself better, be patience, be wise, be funny, laugh more, be more merrier and get a house!

Happy Birthday to me!

Family Value

My Saturday night was great. I got to spend it with all my sibling for dinner cum birthday for my niece cum wedding anniversary of my eldest sister. I was the last to arrive, I was the single one since everybody was with their full fledglings or spouse incase of my youngest sister. Yup, she got hooked earlier than his brother.

I don't mind being the single one since I can always be their favourite uncle. Hm....saying uncle does make me looked old, LOL. Who the hell am i kidding..I'm way past the calander and yet here I am the single one. (in terms of normally marriage people). What to do, there's always bound to be the different one in the whole bunch of fruits. Human non exceptance.

Back to the family thingy, I was not expecting my brother to be present as well and i was sceptical at first and was thinking on my way there...is this the right thing to do, is this wise and all the bulls**t. But once there at my sister's house and saw that everybody was there....I feel glad that I make this choice. Was afraid that my brother will scold me for being missing this past 6 years, but he was not. Apparently he has grown a bit wider and instead of the usual handshake, we exchange hugs. Which was a new thing for me with all the huggings in the family. Hell..I never hug my brother since I got to know I have a brother. Call me wierd but how many things can a 4 year old boy know back then when there was no Gameboy, PSP or mobile phone.

It's a funny feeling being in the presence of family, mother and father not including. It was a great joy, a sense of being belong. I don't know if thing will be the same as today if I never left home back then. Will I get the same welcoming warmth as I have received yesterday. Too many ifs and to many whats does not make the world stop spinning. What matter is that I took a chance and make my own path and looking back, I wish I could change some of it but by changing that past, that little thing in my life...will I still be here at this time doing the things that I'm doing right now and having these feeling?

Being here today...I wouldn't change any of it because I know that I have done my best and i never give up hope for a better future for me, for my loved one, my friends and you people out there. You know who you are.

Enjoy the weekend while it last..see ya fellas.

Remembering Ramli (1974 - 20 Feb 2008)

A friend passed away yesterday.

He was my polytechnic buddy, a housemate when we were in the 4th quarter of 1st semester and continues till the 2nd. I remember that me and my other friend was the only one in that house that is not from Kelantan. There were 7 of us in the house and out of that, 5 are Kelantanese, me from Penang and my friend from Johor. But we get along fine, matter of fact it was a fun and great place to be staying. One little problem though, we were supposed to be studying but instead we were having fun. Most Kelantanese students know us very well.

No.73, Persiaran Sari 5....if i remember correctly. That was the address. No that close when going to classes but it was convenient enough to go to Pasar Malam and the shops and "benteng" aka food court. Back than it was just an open field with few stalls at the parking lot. The food was cheap and eatable. Hang out, lepak - lepak on weekend @ even weekdays especially during exam week.

The neighbour was great, got this little indian boy who use to come and play infront of the house, the teacher's trainee..most of them girl were generous enough to cook and offer us their cooking sometimes. I remember we (by we i mean my housemates) usually sits outside infront of the crossroads and watched people.

By the 3rd semester we got separated, he was forced to repeat a semester along with the rest of my 30 friends which they have to make a separate class on their own. And through that year, people start growing apart due to different schedules, other commitment and basically that's just life. The only thing that keeps it together was the memories.

Manage to meet Ramli several time in Pasir Gudang whilest I was there for several occasion since he is station at the shipyard. But lucky enough I manage to visit him when he was in the ICU last week..funny how I thought at that time he will be discharged and go back to work in a couple of days. God has his plan. Wrong predicament huh? When I saw him, he looked weak, I make some jokes since I don't like the silence. He laughs.

He was not that close to me, but its weird to hear the news when he passed away...something stirs inside. Its like one of the things you take for granted. I guess this is what we have to face in becoming the person who remembers those who have crossed out path and leave an imprint in our thoughts and heart.

All that I can give is Al-Fatihah and hope that he will have a peaceful afterlife. Amin.

Heart Attack

(Note to self : Remember that yesterday was a good day but end up pretty much with myself not wanting to put my trust and happiness in other's people hands)

Don't worry when you read the tittle of my blog for today nor take it to the heart (pun not intended), I'm still in good health....physically. Mental wise is a different subject. Totally different and I ain't gonna say anything about it.

My yesterday horoscope reads something like this " Don't let any setback push you to the wall and bring you down". I don't believe in those readings. I read them for fun, just for the sake of reading and making fun out of it. I usually read em' at the end of the day to see if it can amuse me after some crazy s**t happens. The darnest thing was, I read my scope during breakfast. Not to say that I broke my ritual, but it sorta give me a warning and I tend to be a little bit carefull when I see warning.

Besides having a lousy office arranged Chinese New Year lunch which lasted but not ending in two and a half hours, I thought that was pretty much it. Little did I know my evening encounter prove to be the ultimate "back against the wall" experience. Lucky there was a wall, otherwise I'd be pretty much looking stupid sprawling on the floor. I drive so fast, I didn't have a care nor do I feel any consideration of my own safety (pretty much make me think less of other road user) and I knew that I'd be in an even more hostile and dangerous situation if I didn't cahnge the state of my emotions (yes, I got plenty of emotions, just not too fond of showing them)

All this while, it made me think of how my life has been in this whole rollercoaster ride ever since I turned 28. Never had any problem before that. So does that mean I have been making the wrong choices or life just want to have fun messing with my head. At a certain point, I almost believe that but looking through it all, I know that this is what I need to handle life on my own and not put the blame on things just to get me off the hook as being a responsible person.

And I do skip some few entries as this is just a blog, not diary. Otherwise I'll be starting this column with "Dear Dairy..........".

P/s: Still reeling from yesterday impact, barely gets my bearing and I just need some time to absorb what has been said and done. For the people i hurt along the way....forgive my denial and ignorant self.

I am Haven, I am Blood, I am Sin

Maybe we’re trying too hard,
Maybe we’re torn apart
Maybe the timing is beating our hearts
We’re empty

The Click Five – Empty

I grow weary of this life. I have drained every ounce of my will to start making sense of what I wanted to be this morning, today and tomorrow. It’s not a good sign, at least for me that it will be a good day. Who am I kidding, I felt like this on my 125th birthday, when I realized that I had another 125 years to look forward too and I don’t even know if the world will look the same and if I can see myself fit into that era.

All I can do the first time I woke up was trying to figure out the strange noise I heard, even before I open my eyes. Then I realized that I left the TV on, again for the million time. Ah, I’m not home. I don’t have TV in bedroom. As my hands moves on the sheet, searching for the remote, I open my eye. Yes, I have become like one of the lazy bums who refuse to get up early on Sunday morning and trying to make sense what was playing on at such early hours. Then I just flick to the music channel because I like to hear a good wake up song to peel me of from the bed and into the shower.

And again I noticed that I slept just by covering my body with the quilt instead of actually being inside the cover. The house keeping will have a breeze making up my room afterwards. Did I forget to mention that I’m out station again, under the guise of my current persona…being a surveyor. I know it doesn’t make any sense right now, but believe me, this is one of those thing I do to keep my sanity intact. I will divulge that information soon….I promise. Right now I need to jump in the shower and get ready for work…if I can drag my body out of bed.

P/s: I work on Sunday because I have to, not because I wanted to. Plus I have just missed another great concert last night with a friend. Such life…….sigh.

Dangling

Ever take a good hard look on yourself sometimes? What did you see? Are you glad being you? And the big question here is, are you happy being that person?

Its almost end of January 2008 and I know I shouldn’t be, so erm….negative? Writing negative, I just let an ugh…from my lips. Yes, I don’t like it one bit being on that side of the zone. But the fact is, you need the bad to see the good and vice versa. Too much of both kills. I know that sucks but it’s the truth kan?

2 am and I’m still awake. Usually by this time I’ll be in La La Land (sleeping la) since tomorrow is Monday. Odd as it may be, my life does have ups and downs. What? You guys think I don’t have any human contact left in me? Excuse me, I made a lot of changes so far (do read Reunion)and I intend to clean up my act and make this my best year…..that is until the eve of 2009, then it will the best of that particular year. It’s a personal KPI of mine.

Ops…got carried away there. My vice, my bad. Well actually its not since it helps me a lot in getting me out of a much needed jamming situation so far. When people ask me certain things, I usually sway them away from the topic rather than saying no in their face. Again, one of my habits that I fail to improvise. Yes I do have a hard time saying no sometimes.

I must admit that the 2nd week of January has been an emotional drainage for me. I’m handling them from all corners and how do I managed to remain sane by the end of that onslaught has left me puzzled. Must be my innate ability to filter or shut them out when I fall asleep. I tend to sleep a lot when I have commitment issues, both work and social aspect of life. It acts as a buffer, plus I get plenty of rest. So now I’m wearing the excess sleep I have by writing this in the wee hours of the morning, which is not so bad. Consider it like a revision when going thru an examination. I do my studies early in the morning, less clutter, less heat, less people and plus the TV is not playing any good show at that time.

But the main point is that, never stop looking at yourself, if you don’t like what you see or who / what you have become, you can always say “STOP”. Take 5, sit down and search the answer you want from within and recalibrate your approach to life. Life is cool if you know how to manage it, be kind to yourself. Take a day off, switch off the phones and unplug the computers and PS2. On that day, do the things that you have planned to do for a very long time and enjoy.